First in the "Feeling Valued Series" of Journals
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First blog post and the pressure’s on – feeling it has to be good because it’s the first! How many of us never get started because we worry about not getting it right? It’s like a lot of things in life that don’t get started, let alone finished, because of worrying about it not being good enough.
Where does all that stuff come from?
It accumulates over the years – all the judgments and the ‘helpful’ criticisms from well-meaning and not so well-meaning family and friends.
I started a home business many years ago when I first became a single parent. I printed hotfoil business cards. My first order was for a friend. I spent hours making sure I did a good job. When I delivered them he was pleased, but when I next saw him next he felt he needed to tell me there were half a dozen which hadn’t printed ‘perfectly’.
I immediately felt a sense of shame and inferiority – if he’d only known how long it had taken me, learning to get the foil to print just right etc. … after all it was only my first order and I thought I’d done a good job! Mixed with these emotions was a feeling of indignation because I had in fact printed and delivered an extra 10% to cover any potential print imperfections (good advice given me when I bought the machine). So I’d actually over-delivered, yet still been ‘judged’.
Now although I appreciated the feedback and realised I did need to know if my customer wasn’t 100% happy, I also felt that sinking feeling in my stomach, like I’d done something wrong. Was it the way this person told me he wasn’t 100% satisfied (like ‘you need to know the job wasn’t ‘perfect’)? Or was it the way I heard and interpreted him? Because underneath my ‘go-getting’ exterior I was actually quite sensitive and vulnerable – and he was my ex, and any judgment from him pressed my ‘not good enough’ buttons?
Doing something for the first time always has the risk of things not being ‘just right’. In fact it’s to be expected and is a healthy part of the learning process. Keeping a sensible perspective and learning not to take any feedback personally is an essential part of business growth. Mistakes happen sometimes and learning to deal with them, correct the situation as diplomatically as possible and move on is all part of learning the skill sets required to be successful – not just in business, but in all of life.
So I’m not expecting that creating a blog and writing about sensitive personal issues will always meet the approval of all readers. I know I am exposing myself to possible judgments and differences of opinion. My view on that is great! I want to hear your views.
I’ve come a long way since my vulnerable days when I never managed to say what I really wanted to communicate when I felt I was being unfairly judged. I know how it feels when your intentions are to be accepted and loved and instead you feel misunderstood and rejected.
Over the years I’ve learned to slow my thoughts and emotions down enough to articulate my feelings and stand up for myself without damaging important relationships in my life. I’ve learned how to value myself for the right things.
About 25 years ago I began reading the tarot cards. Initially this attracted some external disapproval from certain people, including family. But I didn’t allow their opinions or superstitions to shut me down! Over the years reading the tarot has not only helped me enormously, but also thousands of people who came to me looking for guidance and insight. (Click Tarot in menu above for more info on my style of tarot card readings.)
As clients returned to me for more regular readings, my style of reading developed into more like a life coaching session. Then ‘life coaching’ became popular as a term. So now I tend to use the cards less, if at all, depending on my client’s wishes and focus more on life coaching.
I’m currently writing my book about ‘Feeling Valued’ and would love your interaction on my Facebook page. Your stories of what has helped you overcome feelings of low self-worth could help others. I’m looking for solutions that have worked for you rather than in-depth descriptions of the personal problems. I’m wanting to help others with what’s worked for you.
I’m not a therapist, I’m a life coach. There’s a difference. I believe life coaching (and tarot) can be a huge support for anyone wanting to make the shift from feeling taken for granted and misunderstood to a life of empowerment and personal fulfillment.